Oh what a couple, the drama! It’s on, it’s off, there’s babies, questions of marriage – and now Kourtney is finally putting her foot down concerning unacceptable behavior, thank goodness!
It seems that motherhood and age are beginning to mature Kourtney in a new way and one result is to say no to Scott’s destructive behavior, particularly around her children. What I want to look at is why she has allowed it to escalate to this point. Setting aside all questions of publicity stunts, the two of them show signs of real dysfunction.
It sounds like Scott was quite the stud muffin at a young age, even earning himself the nickname “STD”. At 23, it’s very normal for an insecure girl to date the neighborhood rich-boy jerk. Hopefully in time a girl's upbringing and sense of personal value kicks in though, and at some point we put an end to the abuse.
The real trouble, I believe, began when Kourtney decided to take Scott back after finding out she was pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I love the “sacrifice for the children” mentality if it’s a relationship that can find stability. But if getting pregnant was an accident, then accident number two was trying to make it work with someone who’s never made an unselfish decision in their entire life.
An essential characteristic to picking a good mate is their willingness to grow. We are ever-evolving humans with many dysfunctions to work through and the NUMBER ONE red flag in any relationship is when a person is completely stuck in their ways.
Scott is a fascinating case and I must bring in some outside research to analyze this one. In David DiSalvo’s book What Makes the Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite, he describes our brain as constantly going after actions that are self-centered and once we develop a pattern in our life that generally keeps us alive, it will take every ounce of mental energy to change the habits we’ve carved out for ourselves. Alex Jenson’s review of DiSalvo’s book explains, “Very simply, because the human brain craves the satisfaction that comes from being proved right. The brain lives on a preferred diet of stability, certainty, and consistency and perceives unpredictability, uncertainty and instability as threats to its survival.”
THIS IS SCOTT. He has found a pattern of life that works for him and no outside influences have forced him to change. Children are often a catalyst for brain rewiring but not so for Scott. His alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and promiscuity have worked for him; thus far children, Kourtney, and three bouts of rehab have not been able to enlighten.
Now, where does Kourtney play into all this? Unfortunately, she has deeply enabled Scott’s behavior. Is she to blame? Absolutely not – Scott’s issues are his own. But Kourtney has created a space where Scott’s behavior can exist without much pushback.
I am hopeful for Kourtney and Scott’s next phase of life. Kourtney has ended the enabling by ending the relationship and putting severe restrictions on his time with their children. The question remains if Scott will take accountability and become the father his children need.