This topic I’m incredibly passionate about. From a young age I connected deeply with women in the sex trade and later discovered my family had also fallen victim to sexual abuse. It’s out there and what encourages me is the VOICE more and more survivors are coming forward with. Let’s keep it coming!
Margaret Cho is one of the most shocking comedians in the industry – the fact that she’s a woman in a predominantly male space is just another layer of her awesomeness. Cho found her voice after struggling as a child-victim of sexual abuse, rape, and incredible bullying. While her parents shrugged off her draw to stand-up comedy as rebellion and just a phase, Cho began to develop a voice that would bring freedom to many women.
Okay – so quick reality check. If you’ve ever seen any of Margaret Cho’s stand-up, I’m putting in mildly when I say she’s shocking. The freedom she offers I would only recommend to a very VERY mature audience – no kiddies allowed.
Despite her X-rated material – I cannot help but completely admire this woman! Major #girlcrush status. What happens SO OFTEN with victims of abuse is an attempt to detach from what’s happened, to pretend it didn’t happen and become silent. What’s worse is when family members or close friends encourage the victim down this silent path. This detachment and impending silence is very normal – the world has just proven to you there’s a lot to be afraid of. By NO MEANS take my words as justification for judgment, these people are hurting in a very real way and if you are in relationship with someone who’s been the victim of sexual abuse your call is compassion and companionship – make yourself the safe place they’ve never had.
The truth is the path of detachment and silence will not bring healing. Just when we think we can bury the pain deep enough, it comes back to haunt you. After abuse, we are different. We are not the same as we were before. We are now a person who’s been wrongfully victimized. BUT! I love what Margaret Cho says, “You… are no longer a victim. You are a survivor”!
Healing means integrating. In the Marriage Boot Camp, we put our couples through a very intense integration drill where they learn to have compassion on those parts of themselves that they hate. This is especially effective for victims of abuse who choose to no longer run from their abuse, but integrate their hurting parts with their beautiful parts to form a story of hope and survival.
Margaret Cho does this in every stand-up routine. I’m seriously gushing over her. My favorite story is of her leading women in her audience to the tune of, “I Want to Kill My Rapist.” WHAT FREEDOM! To be a silent, isolated, victim with a war going on inside, and then to release this pain publicly in non-judgment and freedom among sisters! The picture almost brings me to tears.
The path to healing is being heard, known and fully accepted. This takes time, but getting mad that the process isn’t going fast enough will only slow it down further. We need to feel confident our story has been heard and fully understood. More importantly, we must accept the new version of ourselves we’ve become – one hurt yet stronger. Once we accept and feel recognized for the injustice that has taken place, we gracefully shed that skin of victim and become an empowered survivor! We now carry with us a story of triumph – a story that offers strength to others burdened by the horror of abuse.