Their entrance was just TOO good – right after Bachelor Sean says “I hope the next couple is a little more chill” enter Sarah from the Bad Girls Club and boyfriend Ink, notorious womanizer and tattoo artist. The two met when Sarah was looking for an artist to get her eyebrows done – they’ve been inseparable ever since! Sort-of.
Working with these two was fascinating! Sarah is surprisingly kind hearted and will connect with anyone! She will welcome you with a compliment – unless you cross her or her man. Her desire to make a name for herself in the entertainment industry has gotten her into predicaments that may or may not be healthy for her. Bad Girls Club was definitely a door opening in this space but was it the right door? We often see the pursuit of fame as a counterfeit of the true need - the need for love.
Our first experience of love should come from our parents. This love gives us a sense of self-worth. A parent’s failure to love will manifest in many unhealthy behaviors. If our self-worth isn’t imprinted early we look for self-worth in outside things like jobs, relationships, and social status. Those things, though, are temporary and can become an addiction searching for the next “thing” to give us value.
Ink has a unique personality and outlook. He believes that you create your future through positive thinking. Ink shared his POV honestly and openly but he was not always open to the views of others. This often made life very hard for Ink in the Boot Camp house. Learning to say, “I’ll consider your opinion” with humility was HUGE for Ink. He got some boot camp practice receiving feedback; unfortunately, the viewer doesn’t get to see this drill.
In this week’s episode we see the first little morsel of vulnerability from Ink; being dropped into a life and death moment will do that. Don’t worry, you’ll see much more of Ink’s heart-journey as the season goes on. On the other hand, Sarah wears her heart on her sleeve – we always know what’s going on for her and this drill was the first glimpse of conflict. Ink wants less heart exposure and Sarah wants more.
Ink and Sarah have developed a partnership based on a belief system that has kept them together, but won’t necessarily keep them growing together. In a nutshell, Ink and Sarah have agreed to be a “couple” based on a few beliefs. For those of you who have followed the Marriage Boot Camp, you will recognize the ABC’s, and here’s what that looks like for these two:
A – Action
We function as a couple.
B – Belief
Ink believes that they are a couple, connected by a shared sexuality, and that this relationship will remain stable as long as Sarah plays by his rules. If she fails to live by Ink’s rules, Ink is free to leave, or stray.
Sarah believes that they are growing together and will eventually adjust the rules along more traditional lines (monogamy, marriage, etc.).
C – Consequence
The difference in beliefs is what landed them in boot camp. Both of these belief systems require a great deal of subterfuge. Neither one of them has openly discussed their worldview, but that is about to change.
While Sarah is lying in the coffin hearing Ink’s “Like Letter” (not love…yet) we see her breaking down, crying! You may think that she’s sad to hear her mate say he doesn’t love her, only “like” her, but actually we find that these are kindest words Sarah has ever heard from Ink. Her tears prove how starved she’s been for verbal affection. It was also the first hint that all is not well in open-sex-ville.
What is going on with these two? A LOT. Sarah loves the strong, confident personality that Ink puts out – but she doesn’t love being disrespected and her threshold of tolerance is shrinking. Ink loves how sexual and adoring Sarah is – but he doesn’t love how emotional she can be. In fact, Ink finds most emotions pretty ridiculous. Remember friends, for every strength, there is a weakness.
Sarah’s journey is one of boundaries that begin with an awareness of self-worth. As “bad-girl” as she may be – she is lovely, and EVERY TIME someone said nice things to her she immediately broke down crying. This tells us that her inner voice doesn’t say many nice things and there’s an immediate tenderness when she hears them – like food to the starving. She desperately wants a man who will love her like Sugar Bear loves Mama June, but she sure isn’t choosing that type. Let’s see if she changes!
The problem with having weak boundaries is that we often attract people who are boundary-stompers. Enter Ink who was hurt at a young age (don’t worry – more to come on that later) and from that has become a “my way or the highway” kind of guy. He doesn’t like change but hmm…he’s at Marriage Boot Camp ;)
Ink must re-establish trust and develop a worldview that works for him on every level, not just the sexual level. His inner wound causes him to hold everyone at arm’s length and to develop a strategy for living that is as unique as it is rigid. He also created a pattern of choosing women (married women) who would affirm his belief that women are not to be trusted. Now he sees Sarah through this grid. Revising this belief system will require dreaded vulnerability. But it’s good!
For those of us who have been hurt, it’s natural to create a strategy to prevent people from hurting us again. We call it putting up walls. But know this: the walls that keep people from hurting us, also keep people from loving us.
Ink and Sarah make quite the pair! Once you look beyond all of sexual escapades, these two are actually journeying their own, individual development. This path will require a TON of growth in the self-awareness arena. The question remains: will they grow together or apart?